It was too hot today to prune the blackberries. Dad did, however, cut the netting. I worked on curiosity some more though.
I made the beak! It took a while. I used styrofoam and sanded it down to shape. Then I surrounded it with air dry clay before painting it.
This Saturday I’m going to be graduating. Due to the Coronavirus there’s this special way of doing it right now. Apparently it’s going to be an outside thing were we wait in the car for our names to be called to walk the stage. Sissy wants me to wait for her when my name is called so we can walk together. There’s also going to be a parade that she wants me to be a part of too. Though we’ve agreed that I’ll just be sitting in the back on my phone. She’s super excited and I’m worried I won’t be able to handle it. I’ve started taking my meds in preparation for it. Hopefully it’ll be enough.
As far as journals go, I know I haven’t really stated my opinions on current events and how it’s affecting me. To be honest, thinking about COVID really depresses me. The vocal minority in this country has made perpetuated the American entitled stereotype. Our government has valued the economy over the lives of its citizens. Jeff Bezos is an ass. Meanwhile, I try to keep myself busy from my thoughts of hopelessness by doing arts and crafts projects.
After I graduate I plan on attending ACC. That was always the plan before this whole pandemic. I didn’t get my license, however, so I can’t drive there. I really hope I’ll be able to attend classes physically as I can’t stand videos.
How on Earth did I make the Ph levels in my blueberries worse!? They were 7.0 a few days ago. I added acidifier. Now they’re 7.5! How? Why?! Ugh. I had Dad buy some more acidifier from Home Depot along with some ironize for the blackberries, pots, and longer rods for netting. For now I’m going to have to trust that my plants will be able to survive the tribulations hurtling at them from my own hubris.
I didn’t get up to much today, in fact I slept through most of it. I feel like I need to explain some things about the medications I’ve been taking for context as to why. There’s the Bupropion and Viibryd for my anxiety — they did wonders for me when I was in school. I take Trazodone to help me sleep at night since the lack of anxiety has brought in my Aspec/ADHD night tendencies. And then L Methylfolate, for some wonked up mutated hormone gland of mine that made my meds a lot less affective than they should’ve been. As of right now, I have officially stopped taking the two anxiety meds and barely take the L Methylfolate. “Why,” you ask “would you do that when the world seems like a very anxiety inducing experience at the moment?” Well the reason for that is I feel no anxiety.
Don’t know why.
I’ve always, just, had this very third-persony, dissociative perspective on life that kinda affected the way I handle the terrible things in life and that seems to be the case here. COVID-19 seems so – not real – if that makes sense. I can feel the anxiety over how little I can do to help others, and I’m handling those thoughts in my own ways, but the terribleness. Is just that. Terrible. I can’t really do anything to stop it. And that’s really depressing. So I’m not going to think about it and instead think about the fun stuff I’m doing now.
My anxiety meds, without the anxiety, are now only causing me to sleep. So, I have decided to stop taking them and hope for the best.
This is my very first entry of my online journal. It feels very odd putting something on the internet like this. I’m actually a very private person, in regards to my online presence. I have no twitter, instagram, Facebook, YouTube, or any other kind of media account. I don’t really have a reason other than I don’t really have anything to say and I don’t really want to feel pressured into responding to my family’s posts. The reason why this has suddenly changed is because I’ve realized that I don’t really have anything to fill my day with. The Coronavirus is in full affect around the globe. People are dying. Barely anyone goes outside their homes. And it’s gotten very hard not to want to just sit down and cry at how bad the state of the world is and how I can only sit here and do nothing about it. So to distract myself from that line of thinking–this journal.
Let’s start out with what I have done today. It started out really nice. I got up and made myself food and took care of my plants. I’ll introduce them:
The Blackberry Empire. Completely isolated from the rest of the plants, they’re not very keen on being friends. The Empire is fully ready to kill any plant in their path towards yardal domination. Luckily they have been contained in a metal planter and any attempts at escape are quickly dealt with by yours truly. They await patiently for my guard to go down so they can strike against any nearby soil. Status: Contained, but full iron chlorosis imminent
The only line of defense against the Empire, Julia has taken on the task of keeping them at bay. She has fought long and hard to become worthy of the knighthood and intends to use her martial prowess to protect her king. Status: Healthy. New leaves are growing in beautifully. Flowers are in full bloom. No issues to be resolved
King Nicholas the Meyer Lemon, Ruler over the Far Side of the Yard. He didn’t ask to be thrust into leadership so early in life. He only just started making lemons! But someone has to lead the garden plants. His rule has gone without a hitch. No wars or invasions. The Bees and Wasps have come and gone with their help in pollination and pest control. Although Nicholas fears he’ll only lead his small section of the Yard to ruin, he really is a good king. Status: Fine. Same as Julia. Nothing to worry about.
Not the most ruly sort, the Hillbilly Blackberries are always ready for a fun time. They separate the Lemons and the Blueberries and honestly are just happy that no ones tried attacking them yet. They’re perfectly happy with where they are, though they sometimes wish they could show some of the other plants a good time. Status: Pretty alright. Lots of healthy growth. Some iron chlorosis.
Once a semblance of seven, they have now been whittled to only three. The Blueberry Elite are a proud family of hardworking and beautiful individuals that despise how easy the Meyer Lemons have it. The Lemons didn’t have to watch their family members dies around them as the wind dried their roots from safety. The Lemons don’t have to worry about sleeping during the winter and possibly never awaking again. They don’t have to deal with being cramped in one metal cube when some nice Terra-cotta was available. The three bitter siblings left alive are: Ricardo, Serenity, and Doomguy — whose walked through hell and returned in hopes of only to live in peace with their family. Status: Great. Full Bloom. Need bigger netting protection. Currently dealing with Ph imbalance
The Strawberry Folk by the Shade are just here to have a good time and enjoy themselves while they can. Peace and goodwill and all that. Status: Good. Need to take a closer look for pests.
Completely unruly sort with no regards for the rules. The hang out in the outer edge of the Far Side of the Yard in order to stay out of the sight of the King Nicholas’ reign. It’s unclear whether they dislike him for the way he runs the Yard or if they just don’t like the monarchy in general. Status: Healthy
The newest member of the Meyer Lemon Royalty, Esther is compassionate and ready take on any challenge that faces her. Though she isn’t as strong as her brother, she’ll always be there for Nicholas when he needs her. Status: Right as rain. Slight Nitrogen deficiency. In need of a new pot.
That’s all of the currently growing plants so far. Theres some germinating spinach, broccoli, chives, okra, peppers, and tomatoes next to the patio, but you don’t need to see pictures of dirt for that. Taking care of my plants was the entirety of my day. Now I’m writing in this journal.
I suppose the next thing I should write about is what’s been happening so far, that isn’t in regards to the pandemic. I’ve been playing A Hat in Time. A very cute and creative game that’s made me want to make my own. Alas, however, I don’t have the technological capacities to take on such a goal. That doesn’t mean I can’t still plan like I do. I’ve also finally started play Bioshock Infinite with Dad and Skylar. I think Dad likes it. The games far more cinematic than what I’ve shown him previously. I watched the Sonic the Hedgehog movie with Dad as well. It was very stupid, but made me happy all the same.
I’ve been getting an urge to begin doing art again, but where to point myself is the difficult part. I’ll try exploring that after I finish this entry. I think I’m going to make separate journals for different parts of my life. One for the day-to-day, one for gardening, and another for my artistic endeavors. I think that’s everything I want to write down for today.